Tuesday, 14 August 2007

You're My Gays Now

In 1996 a to be seen Queen and crimson Antipodean raider was on the hunt for gays and adventure - dance was survival. From Australia, Gina Gardiner took aim for flamboyant boys and men who had disposable income to extravagantly purchase CD1's and CD2's, and came ashore to Britain choosing Eurovision - a stage in front of the largest collective of shameless homosexuals assembled in the world each year. A lifelong fanbase that could only dwindle was assured, inspiring yet another Goddess of chronic ironic disco to spend the rest of her career trying to recapture the mercilessly fleeting continental spotlight and an unforgettable facade she could never live up to with diminishing returns.

In 1996-1997 she seemed unstoppable, and whether she has shed the final frayed feather from her by now knackered and a bit whiffy boa remains to be seen. A daunting challenge lays ahead, but her album Fresh! marked a vital landmark of dance diva triumph. A dying breed notwithstanding, you really can't tell when these disco Dollies are going to show up. Having sold her soul to Steve Roadway for the price of one astonishing album and a half eaten packet of bagels, she seemingly has no commercial currency anymore and a significant recovery looks unlikely with every Eurovision serving as a cruel reminder of one of its biggest icons - one has to be concerned.

Motiv8's lightly whipped centre provided the artificial flavouring more irrisistable than a drip feed of glucose is to a bed-ridden diabetic without any limbs. Eurovision 1996 was a Holy war of pop music for gays that defined their future clubbing experience for one whole year exactly - in the space of six highly varied-but-similar and dynamic singles she managed to instill faith instituting her order of continual attack - defenceless drunken gays trapped on dancefloors until they found someone they had not shagged before to go home with had no other option but to endure being raped by her rampantly explosive eurodisco. Exhaustion ensewed and discerning gay music buyers started to anticipate her ingratiating assaults and it was speak to the hand girlfriend!

These days Gina travels the P.A circuit in her caravan - once more gathering gay men (sometimes in gigantic terrified piles) making them sweat and swear to buy her internet-only albums which she happily signs using their own blood or scat. When confronted, these prisoners sometimes simply collapse under her force, a mighty proposition of neverending NRG proclaiming turmoil to consume countless individuals in their tens.

Fresh! was a beguiling mission to endorse her charms, vulnerable and effeminate men without a Father figure itching for a cause struck a chord and were soon instigated or else beheaded. Sometimes often dragging her victims kicking and screaming - with Gina G the whole gay scene changed forever. Her gay club crusades undoubtedly changed pop, spawning a Hi-NRG craze unseen in Europe in the 1990s. Gays previously considered as a marginal music market saw an explosion of brilliance - music was previously an empty void, but Gina gave new opportunities to act and look tragic just by buying her records. Gays willing to be stereotyped could now luminate themselves in a frivolous way that somehow mattered to them. The sun inevitable set, isolating darkness followed as a long and uncertain wait for her sophomore album began..

To this day the turmoil consumes countless net droids as well as the same gays who go to the same gay clubs ten years later, all dreaming that at long last Gina G shall return with a hairflick on the horizon, her Hi-NRG muscle once more ready to be flexed and collect a body count.

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