Friday, 30 November 2007

The kind of dirty that don't wash clean

Shampoo sound like what might have happened had the 2 ugly sisters beaten up and killed Cinderella well before Prince Charming came knocking - they would probably castrate him. Beyond their accessible and familiar hits Trouble and Delicious, the disco-spunk ejaculation of the Waitresses' I Know What Boys Like could not sound more innocent in comparison to their usual trash punk terror. Their unnervingly hardboiled ASBO-imminent image is matched by material such as the sadistic fury of the ferocious Bouffant Headbutt ("your fucking dead" could be shouted from any high rise, or check-out assistant in Glasgow), I Love Little Pussy squeals out jagged melodic kitsch, Top of The Pops and the guiter grin of Blisters & Bruises. All of which are sang in either unflinching deadpan or spat out like trying to get rid of a nasty aftertaste whilst screwing up their faces.

Elsewhere, a more accomplished rampage was achieved: the camp lipstick smear of Viva La Megababes is more polished; the glossy Don't Call Me Babe could be the spoilt surly daughter of Cristina's Don't Mutilate My Mink ("cameras watching whilst we go shopping" bitch-slaps Britney's dead-eyed "cameras flashing while we're dirty dancing" - I can just picture them strutting out of New Look with half a dozen bras stuffed down their tights without batting an eyelid); and the remorceless grandeur of Girl Power suggests they probably developed a death wish for the Spice Girls after their early mantra was stolen.

Shampoo were anything but skanks, despite their tipex-sniffing appearance, their fiery outbursts and deadly pursuit of cruel gratification was simply way ahead of its time.

I Know What Boys Like

Bouffant Headbutt
I Love Little Pussy
Blisters & Bruises
Top of The Pops
House of Love
Don't Call Me Babe
Viva La Megababes
Girl Power

Edit: songs to be uploaded tomorrow or tonight!

Comments welcome.

Thursday, 29 November 2007

Shola Snorts the Shameful Sherbet

The tirelessly exciting term "British soul diva" can sometimes mean literally any overconfident fat woman with a microphone. These proud ladies are vulnerable to all sorts of problems, "issues" and addictions. Ex-druggy Miss Shola Ama is fat as it happens but her thin-yet-husky tones are free of such chaffing neck-snapping insincerity, adding a surprisingly vampish layer, and are smoother than Dannii Minogue's forehead reacting to her chart positions or Colin Farrell's knob. Speaking of "breakfast, lunch and dinner" remarks made by an Irish actor whilst eating out some lucky slag, shortly before Shola started snorting the shameful sherbet, she released one of the finest cover versions from any fuller-figured UK soul diva in the month of February 1998 with Noel Coward's enduring classic Someday I'll Snort You. In a striking video clip that could only fit the top size of her body, Shola thoughtlessly ripped off BraveKylie's brave idea to pay tribute to Rita Hayworth's lurid "hall of mirrors" scene from her 1948 film noir The Lady From Shanghai almost a whole decade before Kylie could get around to it herself after surviving cancer. With so many mirrors, rather than wishing herself thin Sho was probably innocently looking for a clean surface to hoover up her stash. Her stunning "clean" vocal conveys tender tragic beauty that puts the Daily Express newspaper's Madeline coverage to utter shame. Her UK urban "oh yeah" ad libs are contrite and foolish, but, as in all the best torch songs, the orchestral backing sweeps one up into enjoyable feelings of half-hearted fantasy attention-seeking "what if I" suicide threats that are positively life-affirming.

Someday I'll Find You

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

Vitamin C Warms Up Her Engine

Pop fox Vitamin C has been commercially quiet since her More album criminally sunk without a trace. Promises were made regarding two 2007 albums, yet not all pop pioneers have the same energy levels as Diva Incarnate favourite Dannii Minogue. 2 new tracks were momentarily put up on a dubious myspace account, yet disappeared into mythical status. Until now...

The trigger that fires the promisingly eager Learning To Love The Enemy could well be her fully-loaded catapult back into the pop arena: clearly still in demo stage, her prowess is exhibited with her deft knack for producing biterweet cravings.

On the soft Smash It Up she is simply warming up, smoothing over old wounds with touching determination. C sounds a little overcome, but sweetly promises her trademark lyrical mayhem with sentiment alone. It's rather gorgeous, her velvety vocal on the line "with lies we fight with truth" lingers like it has been written in the sky.

I would imagine both have been written soley by herself and her husband Michael Kotch: a new album would most certainly attract collaborators to supersede previous triumphs; these being what they are, demos to attract a deal of sorts.

Learning To Love The Enemy

Smash It Up

Comments appreciated.

Monday, 5 November 2007

Dannii's Phat Daddy Cash-Flow

Dannii-Roadkill continues to strike with low-profile grooves (Blame It On The Music), dedications to her phat daddy cash-flow (Spend Your Love On Me), disco-lounge blow-outs (No Romeo), hardcore throbbings (Hurt In Love), and rock-ballad thuds (It Won't Work Out - Ross Cullum Single Mix)

No Romeo

Come On, Catch Up!

Fans of Dannii (population; you!) might be salivating to know Keep Up With The Good Times has finally arrived, and it is all thanks to my very own bitchy probing:

"Well i believe Cher has lost a few wigs along the way - but i have to clear up the rumour that i ripped it off her - this is categorically NOT TRUE!
i hope no old songs that never made the Girl album ever surface - tracks that don't make and album, don't make it for a reason!
Dannii Disco Is A Rolling Stone - moving forward - come on, catch up....
kisses and hair products

Whatev - ask any stripper worth her boob jobs, Dannii delivers and as expected, the track is a succelent dive into Hi-NRG heaven ("you ain't ever gonna break the GIRL" indeed):

Keep Up With The Good Times
Keep Up With The Good Times (Xeonomania 12" Mix)

Thursday, 1 November 2007

Doo-Wop Dana Danger-Muff

Dana 'danger-muff' International has had her knockers, even paying for the privilege, so it is only fair I finally went and paid for some tracks: The Love Story of Chas Chalila being my reward for such legitimacy. Taken from the manic opus Maganona, both versions are sublime uplifting dreamy euro phlegmers ("frothed from the heart" she groans). Dana doo-wops merrily on what shall hopefully encourage her to finally make a Christmas album; otherwise I simply want what she's having.

Love Story of Chas Chalila - Sipur Ahavatam Shel Chas Vechalila
Love Story of Chas Chalila - Sipur Ahavatam Shel Chas Vechalila (Alternate Version)