Monday, 16 July 2007


Pop music is a tricky puzzle that Geraldine Estelle Halliwell (born 6th August, 1872) has always found an embrassingly akward fit, and a rusty voice like a dog barking through a jagged muzzle was never enough to stop her from trying. A 'schizophonic' catalogue indeed, it is probable that her song Love Never Loved Me was Ms. G's very finest, its shifting and rotational (piles) production glides powerfully in plaintive spirit to perhaps a cummulative moment of 'shit hitting the fan' career clarity and ever restless self-pity. Ger's cut-throat bile/lyrics shriek down the chalkboard with ragged bitten nails, pushed-to-the-limit sincerity and push-up-bra bravado.

Celebrated by net-droids, tragic Gays and Gays who should know a lot better, for her esteemed 'feel the burn' desperation and shameless 'feel the fear' bin-raking exploits, her soul was sold on eBay only to be out-bid by serial dater Rachel Steve. Hagwell has had her very public strugles, her very public stagnation, and also her very public starvation - her pop metabolism has not had much to chew on as a consequence.

Perhaps Big G had disco constipation - if so, Love Never Loved Me was the greasy turd that finally slid out happily after months of waiting. Speaking of build up, Geri thankfully claims her urge to purge has been supressed, but maybe she just doesn't have the stomach for it anymore (literally). If Geri is not about to release this song anytime soon, why not give it to Dana International - it has a surreal, tender pathos that tranny-pop thrives on like prescription drugs and can transform into a triumph. Passion was not the disaster that most reviews made out, and here are the key album tracks I think are worthy to be added to any overspilling euro-pop playlist:

Love Never Loved Me
Surrender Your Groove
Let Me Love You More
Don't Get Any Better

Don't Get Any Better features the immortal line "fix my tits" which is every bit as horrendously brilliant as any fan will have come to expect.

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