Sheila E. - The Glamorous Life (1985)

Fetish funk from Prince's breathless ingenue solo princess Sheila E. 1985's The Glamourous Life is a tad uneven but not a moment of it is hesitant or unsure of itself, the music grinds away regardless. As much funk as the junk in Beyonce's spanx, but guess who has the better thighs.

Festive gush-fest Belle of St. Mark is a jittery sprinkle of tireless emotions: effortlessly giddy with just a glint of shyness if even. The fizz comes from E's too-many-e's style of overflowing desperation and the sound of spurting synths giving you a pearl necklace whether you wanted one or not - a full facial of vintage Prince production par excellence. When Shortberry Strawcake eventually feels like it will serve a decent vocal-melody it just doesn't - Sheila must have went to the toilet or something for this one as she is nowhere to be heard. A trifle wanting.



The seductive Noon Rendezvous has more buzz than using two vibrators (not that I would have the room), and She-She's a shivering wreck with various horny 'bodily functions' slowing her down no end (hasn't she heard of douching?). And does she really sing "I want to be topped by you"? - I must take a note of that for my own use sometime.

Functioning funk of Oliver's House isn't quite at full-capacity. 'She got drunk and called me a "bitch" just cause I kissed her man' is worth a million shortberry's and a reminder of Prince's welcome humour. Something in the bedroom does not compute on Next Time Wipe the Lipstick off Your Collar, sounding like a bad, unfinished Meatloaf B-side.

The famous title track, The Glamorous Life, is a lustrous jam full of kink and neck-snapping aspirations, even if with the 'without love it ain't much fun' message is a tad contrite. 'Boys with small .... talk, really don't impress me in bed' is obviously censored, and makes me actually re-think what I might have expected from the 5ft-nothing Prince - he does have a nice ass I'll give him that. As Carol Channing might say, truth be told I always preferred the Melissa TkautzSheila E, version - it might have came second but is the better ride.

Prince puts his spunk in her funk, and what we get is sheer performance where Sheila is almost the guest on her own album, but we knew what to expect. Her highlights are dazzling, danceably romantic and yes glamorous. The junk is still airtight with scintilating synths and a guitar feeling never short of violating.

Rating:

8/10

X-Factor Low-Down: 27.11.10

In a word: Wagner looks like My Little Bison from the makers of My Little Pony; Mary looks like diarrhea in a dress; Cheryl looks like Nadine with a budget; Simon's face is so frozen Kerry Katona is keeping her dinners in it; and Dannii's Joan Collins fetish delivers a throbbing hard-on tonight.

Above: just because.

Wagner is first out, groomed and tucked in and does a passable take on Radiohead's Creep - the song's point is almost to not sound good anyway. Remembers Fake Plastic Trees from Clueless.

One Direction have nice hair. My jealousy, and age, render my opinions slightly impotent.

Above: "it's not Terry's it's miiiiiiiiiiiine. Peace out to my darter."

In her VT, Mary is wearing a fleecey-poncho and looks like a wig-wam. Her bingo wings shudder with motherly determination and the song is actually rather lovely. She is humble, not entitled at all, and if you don't know that already she still wants you to do it all for her daagh'er. Her daughter.

Rebecca also has a daughter, the same amount of daughter as Mary and also the notes she can sing. Sounding like a tuneful wale giving birth on land. Using her Liverpool accent to sound stupid and unassuming is an insult to her city - it's such a cliche it's not even funny. With a face that looks like an easter egg when her hair is scraped back, Rebecca has her hair scraped back tonight and looks like an easter egg. Rebecca's distinctive standing ability makes me want her to walk on a treadmill next week - same effect, but 110% more nice, different and usnusual.

'Rexia ragdoll Cher is like that wart you know will eventually go away but can't really do much about. She thinks you need a new girlfriend and I think she needs to stop throwing up her dinners. She quotes Britney: "I think I'm ready now". I'd like to quote Gloria Estefan: "go away now".

Above: gonna use my arms....

Matt's arms are soul-destroyingly covered up. 12 girls spread their legs for him: lucky. bitches. He is head and shoulders, but strangely no neck, above all the other MOR over 25 male contestants Smacking it? Yes please, Matt.

The Kwik-Save Lady Gaga, Katie is given the elusive final slot. Her post-chemo crew cut is officially the new new-real-her, and it's actually the best of the night even if it's a bit mannered deliberately to create that kitchen-sink drama effect. Dannii is spared having to lower herself by commenting on it.

Shit! They are singing two songs? Oh fuck that, I'm not reviewing two songs.

It's Just Great

I like lists more than I like people (well not all the time), so any excuse really but the challenge to compile the best 2-disc Kate Bush tracklisting was set on another blog, The Middle Eight, and here would be my own moments of pleasure as hurriedly assembled as possible (so excuse the notes):

Disc One:
01. Wuthering Heights
02. Running Up That Hill / A Deal With God (5 minute science-fiction orgasm)
03. Babooshka (the trigger-happy wailing of a wife's revenge plot - these days that's what we have fake gaydar profiles for)
04. Wow (Kate's beaming voice flashes like headlights)
05. Moments of Pleasure (cold air piano ballad)
06. The Sensual World
07. The man With The Child In His Eyes
08. Hounds of Love (the one song I never tire of blasting in my car - I actually want people to look)
09. Sat In Your Lap
10. Cloudbusting (gallant momentum)
11. Pi (could strum me to death - the soundtrack to autism?)
12. The Kick Inside
13. Be Kind To My Mistakes
14. Love & Anger
15. Get Out of My House

Disk Two:
01. A Woman's Work (many hours of teenage despair were absorbed into this song, and my pillow, back in 1999 - now it's just beautiful where it once felt like utter agony)
02. Suspended In gaffa ('I don't know why I'm crying,' oh Kate, neither do I half the time)
03. Delius (the unsung highlight from the flickering brilliance within Never Say Never)
04. An Architect's Dream (sumptous and arresting, it gives your insides a good rinse)
05. Don't Give Up
06. Army Dreamers (a Mother's hopelessness never loses its extreme pathos, and the chirpiness juxtoposed with, well, just everything else - a genuine connection to this woman is felt, 'mummy's hero' just kills you)
07. The Morning Fog (so sweet, morning vapours ooze, drip and treacle)
08. Reaching Out
09. Oh To Be In Love (the single that never was, her spiralling romantic chorus that sounds like it actually faints)
10. There Goes A Tenner
11. Deeper Understanding
12. Nocturn (the best thing she has ever done?)
13. The Big Sky
14. Rocket's Tail
15. The Dreaming (violent and unmistakable)

What I tried to fit into the 15-track blueprint but couldn't:

The Fog (well I just love this, but it doesn't really fit in the format of a compilation)
Never Be Mine (rather like Between A Man And A Woman, this is an example where Kate sings as a woman, but it goes out further than that)
Them Heavy People
And Dream of Sheep
All We Ever Look For
All The Love
Hello Earth
Big Stripey Lie
Eat The Music

Corona - Christmas Rhythm of The Night

Just when you thought the Corona brand couldn't get anymore bat-shit crazy, it only turns out their vintage peak produced a shamelessly rare festive remix of Rhythm of The Night by none other than the seminal Italo-house knob-twiddlers Rapino Bros. Yes, the 12" Rapino Sleigh Bells In The Snow Happy New Year Version is in turns obvious and utterly magnificent - it hardly deviates at all from the jittery Rapino radio edit (which, to me, has always been the signiture version), with those piano keys that require suspension absorbers, and it seems Corona really is the gift that just keeps on giving. I have no idea how the current Corona album, Y Generation, is doing and Olga's website is feeble to say the least. Anyway, enjoy!

Ten Minutes On A Tuesday Morning In My Bedroom

[Siouxsie & The Banshees - Kiss Them For Me, Peek-A-Boo, The Ghost In You], [Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence, Policy of Truth, Never Let Me Down Again], [Kim Wilde - You Came, I Believe In You, Can You Hear It], [New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle, Regret], [Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill/A Deal With God, Hounds of Love, This Woman's Work, Oh To Be In Love, An Architect's Dream, Moments of Pleasure, Dreaming], [Deee-Lite - Groove Is In The Heart, Good Beat, Thank You Everyday, River of Freedom, Fuddy Duddy Judge], [Gala - Freed From Desire, Let A Boy Cry, You & Me, She Really Wants To Try It], [Prince - I Could Never Take The Place of Your Man, Gold, Dolphin, Controversy, Little Red Corvette], [Madonna - Sky Fits Heaven, Like A Prayer, Open Your Heart, Oh Father, You'll See, Rain, Get Together, Shoo-Bee-Doo, Stay], [Christina - Don't Mutilate My Mink, What's A Girl To Do, You Rented A Space], [Hole - Awful, Beautiful Son, Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu], [Sugacubes - Birthday], [Gina G - Ooh Ahh ... Just A Little Bit, It Doesn't Mean Goodbye, I Belong To You], [PJ Harvey - A Perfect Day Elise, C'mon Billy, Angelene], [Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch, All The Way, Playgirl], [Dannii - All I Wanna Do, Everlasting Night, Come & get It], [Billie Ray Martin - Hearts, Where Fools Rush In, Bright Lights Fading, Ten Minutes On A Tuesday Afternoon In Buffalo], [Electribe 101 - Talking With Myself (Canny 12")], [Luscious Jackson - Naked Eye, Ladyfingers (Refrigerator Edit), Nervous Breakthrough, City Song], [Livin' Joy - Dreamer], [Dana International - Tachlom, Diva, Hakol Ze Letova, Lola], [Ani Difranco - Shy, Everest], [Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)], [Lazarrus Q - Goodbye Horses], [Pete Burns - Jack & Jill Party], [Dead Or Alive - Nukleopatra, My Heart Goes Bang Bang, Brand New Lover], [Cher - You Take It All, Human, One By One, I'd Rather Believe In You, Taxi Taxi, Believe, Rudy], [Cyndi Lauper - Shine, Hot gets A Little Cold, Heading For The Moon, She Bop, Money Changes Everything, I Drove All night], [Blue Angel - Maybe He'll Know, Lorraine, Magazine Cover], [Sister Sledge - Lost In Music, Thinking of You, Preyy Baby, You Fooled Around, He's Just A Runaway], [Belinda Carlisle - (We Want) The Same Thing], [Darlene Love - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)], [Bis - Eurodisco], [Vitamin C - Last Night], [Alizee - A quoi rêve une jeune fille], [Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone], [Crush - Jellyhead (Motiv8)], [Robert Miles - One & One], [Jane Wiedlin - Rush Hour], [Alexia - Uh La La La (Almight Edit], Number One], [N-Trance - Set Me Free (Lost Souls Edit), Forever], [Solid HarmoniE - I'll Be There For You, I Want You To Want Me (Barbarus Club Edit)], [Holly Valance - Desire, Naughty Girl, Whoop], [Matt Darey & Marcella Woods - U Shine On], [Portobello - Covered In Punk], [Lene Nystrom - It's Your Duty], [Girls Aloud - Biology, The Show, Wake Me Up, Untouchable, Something Kinda Ooooh, Call The Shots, Close To Love], [Corona - Rhythm of The Night (Rapino Bros Edit), Baby Baby, Try Me Out, I Belong To You (80s)], [Roxette - Fading Like A Flower, Things Will Never Be The Same, It Must Have Been Love, Silver Blue, You Don't Understand Me, Reveal (Kleerup & Attic Mixes), One Wish, Cry, Beautiful Things], [Smashing Pumpkins - Perfect, 1979, Thirty-Three, Stand Inside Your love, To Sheila, Blank Page, Disarm, Sweet Sweet, Pennies, Once Upon A time], [Filter - Take A Picture], [The Killers - Human, Believe Me Natalie, Joy Ride], [Curve - Horror Head], [Ace of Base - The Sign, Blooming 18, Never Gonna Say I'm Sorry, Life Is A Flower], [Lutricia McNeal - Fly Away], [Placebo - Allergic (To Thoughts of Mother Earth], Burger Queen], [Brandy - Piano Man], [Basement Jaxx - Plug It In, Romeo, Kish Kash], [The Knife - Heartbeat], [Bertine Zetlist - Girl Like You, Death In Her Room], [Genevieve Waite - Pink Gin & Lime, Times of Love, Femme Fatale], [Sia - Breathe Me, Clap Your Hands], [Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps, Zero, Turn Into], [Dusty - In Private, Goin' Back, I Think It's Gonna rain Today], [Liza - Losing My Mind, Don't Drop Bombs], [Spice Girls - Take Me Home, Wannabe (Motiv8 Vocal Slam), Move Over, SPice Up Your life].

Giddy Up, Gays!

Well I know my youtube posts are stretching thinner than Kylie's popularity, but thought I would 'touch base' with a brand new spangly Cher remix of her current anthem that has more heavy-lifting cliches than the front row at a Weight Watchers meeting. My semester ends on 13 December so shall resume my normal postage purging thereafter, but until then I'll be taking the piss with youtube clips and the occaisonal review if I have the time. Thanks for dropping by.

Kelly Rowland - Forever & A Day

Poor Ms. Kelly Rowland is not having much luck, her casual-and-exquisite vocal command hasn't had much authority on record buyers of late, which is baffling to me. Her most recent 'international smash' Forever & A Day was like a flashback to the vocal-trance that made up my personal soundtrack back in 2003, when I started my first first year at Stirling University, and even has the same name as one of that particular era's best 'tunes' by none other than State One. I can't wait for the 2011 release of her self-titled still-born album - it will have potentially 6 singles on it by then (assuming she releases a new one to launch the bloody thing), only it will have been almost 2 years since When Love Takes Over came out by then. She's on shaky ground, which she will be used to having shared the same stage with Beyonce's thighs, but advertising an album with 5 great songs, with THAT voice, surely she can do moderately well with such an inadvertant advantage to a belated album?

Gala - She Really Wants To Try It (2009)

By far the most deee-liteful highlight from Gala's life-in-the-making 2009 Tough Love album was her slithery lesbionic anthem She Really Wants To Try It, snarling all sorts of filth about her vagina. It was the original She Wolf, with a wormy, make that horny, bassline plunging into places I dare not think about. With percussion exclamations that would excite The Creatures, Gala gurns with confrontation or perhaps just zealous scorn for the lipstick liesbians who start to tease the girls when their gays ditch them to pull in the clubs. The Italian dance legend's love machine is literally her meal ticket, then, and by the sounds of it, if she doesn't get this girl to share a cab with her she'll probably devour herself rather than let anything go to waste.

Cher - You Haven't Seen The Last of Me

Cher's new Whitney-style huff-and-puff still-standing ballad You Haven't Seen The Least of Me Yet is certainly no Human, You Take It All, When The Love Is Gone or One By One that is for sure, but brings out some classic butch-but-camp mannerisms from the dramatic singer, such as the double entendre, her hefty female-Elvis gravy, and infinite remix possibilities through dramatic belting alone. I'm not daft on Diane Warren, who wrote both this and Whitney's strength re-gainer, and would happily hold a grudge on her for preventing Cyndi Lauper from releasing a Cher knock-off called I Don't Want To Be Your Friend back in the 80s, but I'm just so glad to hear new Cher material that I can overlook the laboured songwriting and enjoy what Cher brings so innately and effortlessly everytime. Cher has got this movie Burlesque in the bag - it might not be a hit, but her image has endured everything and her new album won't falter if the movie flops. Christina on the other hand, it seems, thankfully seems to have realized it is back to the drawing board as far as music goes.

Burlesque OST review coming soon.

Cher's Red Carpet Therapy Session

Just look at this - Cher is still surviving those close-ups (nevermind the soldiers in Iraq, that is what I call bravery). Cher laughs off Christina's marriage break-up in wonderfully frank terms: "that just happens ... break-ups happen! ... you know, they just happen! ... she'll deal with it!" she nodds furiously to a reporter on the red carpet. Cher's legacy is further confirmed by a wig so natural she could pass for a really pale member of En Vogue, her lips have been all her's since 2003, and her contribution to the Burlesque soundtrack will soon be wetting the appetites of her rabid fans who have been waiting for new Cher music since her emotionally anthemic ballad Human was included on her last film Stuck On You's soundtrack way back in 2003!

The Things You Say....

Vintage 90s Bitch Dannii Daggers Returns!



It's been a while since hooker-jam Love's On Every Corner singer Dannii even remotely had a live on-air hissy fit (remember The Word, This Morning and Jonathan Ross to name just 3?), but charisma-vaccuum Konnie-something from the Xtra Factor said the wrong thing at the wrong time and Dannii exhaustedly hissed "un-boi-loi-voi-boil" and even went as far as an audible sigh. Akward! Anyway, poor Konnie-something, but it was great to see Dannii 'lose it' again - as awesome as she always is, this is kind of the reason I loved her in the first place (apart from the incredible 90s music of course).

David Morales ft. Janice Robinson - I Make You Gaga

Love, life and laughter is all I believe ... now Janice Robinson's long-overdue gasp of mainstream exposure in the form of a Lady Gaga tribute song makes me want to close my eyes now, etc. Okay, so David Morales is dependably 90s-dragtastic as ever, but I just want more from Janice. She's snatching that paycheck that's for sure, and I hope she makes a bigger vocal splash on her eventual comeback (in the works appar).

Bananarama - Christ It's Christmas

Reminding me of Saint Etienne, possibly because they sound like they are furtively sipping wine from a straw in between singing, Bananarama's deadpan disco single Baby It's Christmas is just as excitably ropey as all their post-Preacherman dance fluff, continuing to huff and puff half-hearted cliches whilst propped up by half a bottle of poppers and debatable backing track.

Nadine Coyle - Insatiable (2010)

Causing shockwaves on worthwhile/totally-relevant messageboards everywhere, lazy cow Nadine Coyle is flopping with less dignity than Michelle McManus's warty fanny flaps escaping out of a very tight size 22 swimming costume, and is a 'complete bitch' if rumours from professional music journalists are to be believed. Well, looks like Diva Incarnate has just found a new hall of fame enductee to start irreverently whorshipping - the fact that she has been making indiscreet remarks about her racist bandmate Cheryl Cole (talking about being able to sing - of all the low blows!), which makes her something of a scapegoat for the uncertainty of a never-gonna-happen Girls Aloud comeback whilst the others either: actually have successful careers; continue to get drunk like Kerry Katona if she was goodlooking and knew what abortions were; keep themselves pale so that ugly girls don't feel threatened by aloof gingers with ideas even bigger than their nose; or continue to have big, stubborn thighs and make passive-aggressive comments about other women via a 'girly' 'column' (yes, Kimberly, keep munching those cream crackers, you're worth it too). That's right, classless chav Nadine is a total rank skank whore who is getting married soon to a black man (I hope she hires security if Cheryl attends the ceremony), and I'm not even sure where she was during 9/11.

Nadine wouldn't aprove of any of this, so let's make it about the music then. Presumably insatiable for just about anything other than actual promotion, first single Insatiable is a full on full of hot air red herring hard on of a flaccid pop song, with a twist - I like it but don't really know what it is for. Skipping? Showing off her ability to sing in front of a live band? Ahh, that strikes a chord - Nadine has found the perfect way to connect to record buyers by singing a song that sounds great performing it live in front of a live band. There was music before 2010, and now there is Nadine Coyle who wants to go and change EVERYTHING. What a loser.


Dark and earily getting close to the RedOne cut Automatic, the atmospheric Runnin is the predatory opener. It's stange not to hear a song that starts off well with a Nads vocal and not being ruined by either Sarah schreaching about double penetration, Cheryl blowing her nose about punching black women, or Kimbery sticking a broom up her ass in an effort to sound as if she can actually sing (my farts can hold a tune better - it's just a question of what vegetables I buy at Tesco that day when I purchase my own copy of Insatiable of course). I like this being able to sing thing. Nadine, a singer who can sing, is singing. You'll be very aware of this whilst listening to her SING.


panacea for her troubles, fizzy big-pop Put Your Hands Up has a rhapsodic 60s doo-wop rhythm and a chorus that slam dunks in style with girl-group limb-calling dance instructions and seductive sax to bring the sex. A pure and simple, slamming pop jam spread extra thick (making it have the same appeal as her fiance then).


No comment on her smoking habits, Chained is not quite 18 carat gold, but if you pop into Tesco 18 carrots will cost you more than this album - so basically Nadine is getting in the way of the nation's 5-a-day which might explain those anorexia rumours. Full-fat bass, glossy rn'b pop tempo and Nadine's throaty treacle served hot on top.


Gutsy electro sizzler Red Light is a confident surge of Janelia's Beware of The Dog and Eurythmics Would I Lie To You, with an invigorating voltage and cute Chemistry album track reference. Potential single. As I buy my copy of this album at Tesco, perhaps My Sexy Love Affair will probably end up in an embarassing private moment involving a cucumber and some room temperature margerine, but whatever happens, if I get caught I'm just going to blame Nadine. She just can't win can she?


Big surprise not to be a ballad, Lullaby is an almost strident-sounding pop song par excellence. Nadine's vocal is poised and elegant as ever, and the sleety production is majestic and prickly enough to make it worth considering it as a potential single. Marvelous. So You're The One is the Big Girls Don't Cry one, which is apparent straight away. Decent and lovely of course. Low-key ballad downer Natural tinkles with spiralling piano keys and will be a grower, but perhaps to be indulged by fans of 'The Voice' only. Something to avoid in sex talk, Raw is an I-can-sing moment. 'You left me raw' - was she dating a cheese grater? He must have left her in bits, etc (no that's just her career, etc). What a bitch, etc.


Akward song title alert, Rumours doesn't dish any dirt on any particular racist. Strummy yumminess of Unbroken is a sachet of lube away from sounding as high-pitched as some saunas do at around 2am (I would imagine). Given that another song is called 'raw', I hope 'unbroken' is referring to her fella's condoms. Who knew Nadine was a secret tranny-surgeon, I'll Make A Man Out of You Yet certainly doesn't enhance her own package, but she does wail, which is important.

Poor Nadine just doesn't stop singing on this album. If you want to hear her sing then I suggest you buy her album at Tesco. She just gets on with it - you'd never even guess she was a complete bitch, which of course really means something when you want to just enjoy listening to an album by someone who happens to have a half-way decent voice every now and then (just don't tell anyone). The songs are good (mostly confluences of 'real' vocals and 'live or pre-programmed' instruments), and next time I suggest she signs with a major, but so far so not half-bad.


Rating:

9/11

Corona - Y Generation (2010)

So I might have distanced myself from this blog like it had some sort of STD, but if there's one thing perpetually infectious enough to temp me back in the game (apart from The Game himself wanting to put me on the game) then that would be the 90s dance music legend of the disco-riddled brand Corona. Fronted and afronted by teeth-on-legs freak of nature Olga de Souza, that poor gigantic beautiful woman gritted her teeth, with her smile that stretches as wide as the equator, harder than Diana Ross trying to say the alphabet backwards on her way back from a sober McDonalds drive-thru visit at 3am, but finally got her turn to gurn on the disappointing-but-not-completely-disappointing 3rd album And Me U from 2000. I have no idea where on earth this new album is being released (possibly her native Brazil and, fingers crossed, eastern Europe - that's no joke, the guys are hot over there, all that lifting, gay porn and farming, etc). What I do know, however, is that this is a 'uuuge return to form if return to form suddenly means not your best but still quite arousing to the ears. With a rash of piano keys, glitzy synths, itchy basslines and eccentric vocal scariness, it can only the return of Olga's Corona crusade.

Shambolic trance-quake opener Welcome (you'll hear this word a lot) is a eurotrash-tastic formula Olga finds enough inspiration from to sing 'welcome' over and over again like she's having enough visitors for one of those famous Brazillian orgies.



Ogla's ravishing vocals have came on leaps and bounds since her dry spell of And Me U, and her limitations are hardly even noticeable, especially when she scares the shit out of you with her throaty intimidation techniques (think Lonnie Gordon meets spooked horse) . She gets trance-sexual on the rampant first single Angel, a convincing pledge about being 'hot tonight', which is a big fuck you to anyone not blessed with her fierce 7ft black amazonian Goddess physique (there's not many of us left you know). The album version is a swooshy synth usurper, and 'I'm not a ninja - a whoah oh!' is her endearing pronounciation so get used to it. The Libex Extended edit is also supplied, and gives just the right dosage of emphatic dancefloor fuel, but loses the simmering trance of the original. It's a drafty sounding thing, but is razor-sharp and succintly melodic stuff. Olga cackles away and it's hard to deny she's giving it her all this time - this could be massive in Serbia.



The smouldering I Can't Wait is a sly electro-fizzer, and could be a Vertigo remix (remember those?) of a Chicane song featuring Sandy Chambers. A slow-burner, it soon ignites into one of the standouts.



In the glossy tradition of Gina G and Alexia, Corona's own scintilating salsa romp Gimme Love has a lot to live up to and doesn't disappoint. In fact, it's a sensational charge, sounding both languid and utterly pilled up in sprawled-out-unconcious-in-Ibiza heaven. Wave-crashing trance splashes create a sunkissed mist of ripe and rippling shoulder-jiggling euphoria. Olga's physical gifts are more than matched in substance here, parading herself with pride and sexual arrogance (again, there's not many of us around these days). A full facial of spurting synths and seal-barking barking-mad vocals demanding sex at gun point by the sounds of it. And those drums!



With rippling piano keys thawing icy temperatures, Fly Away could almost be Dana International having another go at cracking the Spanish eurodisco market following her trannytastic Matadoras floppage after her Sony deal fell through, but I digress.


Above: the aesthetic of Dana International's epic Hakol Ze Letova album lives on after all!

I'm not going to lai to you, My Song (Lai Lai Lai) is yet another playfully cunning piano-drenched disco cocktail (the former binge-syncher is obviously a shameless binge-drinker as well). Utterly soaked in hysteria, those hic-upping shimmy sounds are as infectious as they are cringe-worthy. She gets her racism on for Black Cinderella, a fierce social-commentary number inspired by those Oprah Winfrey does pantomine rumours. 'Sell me what you want' isn't really my motto though - I prefer stealing.


Above: not the strongest cut to injure yourself with, perhaps the generic subject matter makes it an accessible one nonetheless.

Nocturnal omission Saturday is the first song I initially struggled with, but it gives a good enough pounding, and that's something I've never been able to resist for long. I sometimes rate guys on the street by saying 'oh he would be good for a Tuesday' as if to rank Monday as the worst and Friday/Saturday as the peak of what I'd really expect. Corona's Saturday feels more like a Wednesday.

Not one to beat around the bush (she is Brazillian after all), Beat & Shake is a September-lite anthemic ballad, with a contorting bassline whose grip keeps getting tighter with every gasping chorus from our girl Olga. I love the gutsy attitude she assumes, swamped in disco pathos and drowning in enough cliches for even deaf people to get the drift. With a grinding guitar ploughing through the middle-8, this could be the album's surprisingly durable underrated gem (And Me U's was the Donna Summer-lite tampon-out-in-the-rain style I Only Came To Dance, Walking On Music's was the Donna Summer-lite jittery PWL-tastic I Belong To You (80s) and Rhythm of The Night's was the pounding pathos of I Gotta Keep Dancing - just so you know). Grappling to find the right key to sing in, this is probably what makes me love it so much - it's so scappy and exhausting you'll need to lie down afterwords!



Not that she's one for violence, the tender Beating of My Heart is a cosey ballad with a bit of a draft coming from Olga's breathless cooing giving me the chills. It's low-key, frosty, sincere and quietly beautiful.

Below: I've said it before, but would this woman cheer the fuck up already?

Pursuing the latest trance trends setting the Romanian charts on fire from 2003, the retun of Corona is nothing short of a triumph, with bat-crazy Olga sticking her teeth into it with intense aplomb. It won't be a hit anywhere, but Y Generation is on par with any trance-pop that can be found on much of central and eastern European radio. With the name Corona, you won't think it's 1995 anymore, you'll think it's 2002. The effortlessly relentless momentum of Gimme Love in particular gets my juices flowing, and this is an album that deserves to be heard. Spellbinding eurotrash!

Rating:

9/10