Pre-Cascada Bissexual Chav Trance

A song I always felt was destined to become huge was a trance anthem called I Do Both Jay & Jane by La Rissa, who potrays bissexuality far classier than Lady Gaga's muffin bulging out from both sides of her leotard (such literal imagery makes me imagine shredded lettuce and tomatoe slices hanging out from there too). La Rissa's gloomy vocals focus on the identity of gender over the biology - Jay 'is rough and rugged' whilst Jane 'shines just like a nugget'. Honestly, with those descriptions I kind of have no sympathy for her not knowing which one to go for - rough and rugged guys are hard to come by and Jane just sounds like mousey non-entity in comparison. Sometimes I will say to a friend that 'girls have it so easy, it's like take your pick for a prick' and this song proves my point, although I can't really think of many Jay's I would go for myself - Jay from 5ive, Jay-Z, Jay Manuel (with paper pag), but then who? I would probably go for Jane Russel - she's old, has money, won't expect sex and won't be here much longer.

Above: if this really is the 1st or 2nd La Rissa vocalist, then she has the thinnest voice belonging to a non-Jackson black woman.

Anyway, the song came out in the US in 1999 and reached the UK in 2002 - it never became a crossover hit but is still well known in certain clubs, but clubs I would never set foot in if you get my drift. Released under the same alias, Somebody To Love Me obviously employs a different vocalist who sounds a bit like Plavkoff from Jane & Spoon. The follow-up was the final La Rissa single and sounds a bit like Lil' Suzy, but is less trashy than its predecessor and tellingly nowhere near as fun. Unless Janet Jackson does the honorable thing and gets some vocal training, this song probably won't be covered by anyone and will live on only for those in the know and lucky sexually-confused chavs in clubs I wouldn't piss in or on if Kelly Llorenna told me to.

I Do Both Jay & Jane