Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Sharleen Does A Jane McDonald

Yes, this is not a good week to be a Sharleen Spiteri fan so thank heavens I have never found her remotely appealing beyond the sheer city lights euphoria of Halo (put that in your love blender and smoke it, Beyonce) and the goose-bumps ad libs found on Inner Smile (the best Cyndi Lauper song that never was). I always try and stay low key about my disdain for someone if they are Scottish and successful as often one just reaks of rotten jealousy. And she has a really annoying Scottish accent.

When Shaz Bags promoted her solo album it felt like she couldn't stress enough that it was her break up record, even without being asked - the singer had in actual fact divorced her partner, but it's unfair to state so candidly 'these are the sad, miserable, how-dare-you-try-and-ruin-me songs about how person X made me feel like a washed up slag', it's just arrogant. Take Alanis - the million selling Candadian was famously dumped for a much younger actress and subsequently made the best album of her career, but she was hardly bursting to articulate the obvious subject matter of a collection of songs that were about the struggle to find inner strength to overcome heartache and the pensive understanding that these feelings need not be permanent. Yes, I'm going off on an incoherent rant. Where is my point?

Spiteri has failed to sustain her fame and soon will release a horridly calculated selection of songs crudely called Songs From The Movies You Already Know So Please Buy As I Promise You Are Going To Love These Songs You Already Know And If You Don't Know Them You Might Recognise A Few From Off The Telly Anyway, Plus Your Mum Might Like It For Mothers Day, Ken? Fan I might not be, but this is not a good state affairs for a singer with a stunning voice that requires a certain flair that kareoke simply curdles into shlock (seek out her intimate fingers-through-his-hair album track Saint and realize what a technique this woman has).

This is the wrong area of the music industry for singers of her type to operate in - it's basically making music for people who are not passionate about music at all, who see buying albums as scary (you know the scenario when you hear someone proudly tell you they bought so-and-so's album as if it was somehow heroic and weirdly embarassing for them, and then shyly confess 'it is actually quite good' the poor souls meekishly asking you to give them your approval). I might not like her (maybe I haven't mentioned this yet) but I'm open to liking her music. In the words of Mr Cruz: 'c'mon girl, c'mon girl, c'mon girl', get back to work and stop diminishing your diminishing returns. Worst album of the year I am likely to hear.

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