Friday, 17 December 2010

Best Singles of 2010: 80-61

61. Waka – Shakira

The second rabbit Shakira has had to pull out to save her latin ass after the record label have fucked things over with royal aplomb. She Wolf had moments of greatness on it: this doesn’t compete but delivered an ultra-commercial jingle for an almost-worldwide sporting phenomenon (if it were a basketball song it would have hit the Billboard Hot 100 top spot).

62. Skinny Little Bitch - Hole

This got blasted as a lame re-write of Plump (by myself and countless others), but has more in common with Hole’s first album. The first of three songs by Hole to make my list. Love would sell her soul to be a 16 year old Disney brat and she knows it.

63. Raise Your Glass – Pink

The Wallmart Courtney Love returns sounding like a Katy Perry song, which in turn sound like Pink songs: it’s great to hear someone who can sing them whomever that may be. Formulaic and lame ‘bad ass’ lyrics aside, it returned her to the US chart summit.

64. Get Out of My Way – Kylie Minogue

Hardly rocking the boat, this just sounded like a slick Fever remix. Dannii’s charity project K needs to up her game as the only thing going up these days for her as that ghastly left eyebrow. Glistening production aside, it's simply diminishing returns these days.

65. Scream - Kelis

Presumably that's what she does when she looks at her chart positions. Not my choice for a single (that would have been the retro-disco Song For The Baby or the elusive, bristling beauty of Brave), the video looked cheaper than the price her second album goes for online these days, but this is still compulsive as part of the whole album (which still plays perfectly).

66. Candy - Aggros Santos ft. Kimbely Wyatt

Momentarily upstaging Nicole, I must admit that is where the fun initially lay. Naggingly insistent, it’s basically the 1 hook on continual loop with Wyatt's paper thin vocals devouring that chorus.

67. Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner

Posing as a makeshift Tiao Cruz, he’s probably 2 songs away from being better as that would mean a total of 3 listenable tunes.

68. Getting Over – Dave Guetta ft. Fergie and some black dude

The amount of re-releases both Love Don’t Let Me Go and Just A Little More Love had was plain ridiculous and yet again this has the same jagged guitars plucking away like a passive-agressive make-up artist working on Subo's eyebrows – saved only by dance-junkie Fergie.

69. Better Than Today – Kylie 'triangular-nostrils-are-in-this-season' Minogue

Not even better than her last single, obviously, whilst a honky tonk Scissor Sisters fetish almost disguises that shrill child prosititute vocal style of hers during the plunging chorus.

70. One Shot – JLSBold

Actually there are 4 of you, 2 of which I’d do in a second, so that would be two shots.

71. Dancing With Every Heartbeat Whilst Hanging On My Own (Betcha Can't Handle My Sorry White Ass Boo) - Robyn

To quote 80s cult nu-wave pop goddess Cristina, why doesn't she just slit her throat or just shut up?

72. Mr. Mysterious - Vanessa Amorosi

Hazardous was one of my very favourite albums of last year: Touch Me, Ice and Blow Me were screaming to be singles louder than her fans yelling 'lesbian' at her at concerts. Just like her shoulders, this track is big, bold and bulky. I guess Pink's not the only chunky girl who can sing, but a major shame about these follow-ups.

73. Love Made Me Stupid – Elin Lanto

Not quite rocking my world, Elin strikes sharpest with her lethal dance subjections instead.

74. Just A Dream - Nelly

What is it with me and muscled back guys who go uh uh uh uh?

75. Your Love - Ke$ha

Her songs just kind of get played, and you hear them sometimes, and sometimes you actually like them a bit.

76. So Yesterday - Toni Braxton

With that voice still intact in a way that puts Mariah, Celine and even Christina to shame, it’s a major crime that Toni is getting these Halo knock-offs even if it was a shrewd move. However, it’s not just her ideas that are bankrupt so I won’t kick a tramp when she’s begging.

77. Crossfire - Brandon flowers

Well he’s still the most beautiful man on the planet, but I don’t see the point of a nice-but-unremarkable solo venture unless those other guys were too busy getting their hair cut to make album number 4.

78. Stay – Hurts

This is straying very far from where their other singles are going to feature, mainly because as a single it is just much too pompous, strained, overblown and po-faced.

79. Hot - Inna

Her signature tune, with vocals thinner than dental floss, is the year’s most pervasive club hit. Not that I've been to clubs more than 4 times this year at the very most

80. Acapella - Kelis

I’m glad this brought her back to the top end of the charts, but it’s rather flat in comparison to the better sounds going on on Flesh Sounds (a modern masterpiece by the way).

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