Literally Very Good

OK Magazine Causing Waves In Popworld

Okay, so OK! magazine is rather good this week: it features quotes and interviews from aspiring popstar Kerry Katona, Swedish hit and miss group BWO, fellow-Scandinavian legends Aqua and the thin woman's Beyonce, Kelly Rowland. A bizarre but marvelous menu.

Kerry can't seem to keep her nose out of trouble so if she pulls this off I for one cannot wait to wince at what goods she manages to come up with - no doubt it will be a mere premise for another season of her reality show, which can't go on if all she has got is footage of her sitting on her kitchen bunker feeling sorry for herself with a soggy fag in her chubby fingers. Something trashy and Eurovision-tastic will be remembered forever so my low expectations can only be hysterically confirmed or shabolically transcended.

Bodies Without Organs' very own cougar queen Marina Schiptjenko has the kind of appealing stiff-upper-lip glamour that is more akin to the whores in Hello magazine of whom host 'in my country mansion' style photoshoots and talk about shooting pheasant with Madonna and their top bullimia tips to look good for 40 with nothing but ice-cream and their middle finger for survival.

Kelly Rowland squeels about her single life being so much better than that shit song by Beyonce.

Finally, Aqua's Lene and the bald one respond to loosely based 'questions' related to some of their song titles, which is amusing as it's not as if 99.9% of the magazine's readers will have heard of Be A Man, and new songs Live Fast, Die Young and forthcoming single My Mamma Said. She confirms she once dated Katona's ex Brian McFaden.

Come Back To Eurotrash

Unless you have been under a rock or a black man, you will be aware that one of pop's most important 90s acts is back. 2009 skidmarks the return of Europe's finest, Aqua, who have already released their first greatest hits package in Denmark and are set to storm the stage at London's G-A-Y club on 18 September. I for one, can't wait to possibly be there - it all depends if my subtle hints to a 'special friend' shall blossom into a spontaneous offer to pay for my train tickets.

Below: 'Awkward, much?' Lene feels bad and relieved she never got round to shagging Claus on the left.

The male members of the group herald from Denmark, but lead singer Lene descends from my 'homeland' Norway, which is a running joke amongst friends as my surname is of Norwegian origin. Back To The 80s is a thumping euphoric knockout of a track, with sweet verses and a chorus full of nostalgic references making the song utterly irresistable: personally I would have thrown in some Cyndi Lauper, Prince, Sheena Easton, Cher and Depeche Mode nods but we can't have everything.

Above: it is very regrettable that the infinitely sellable lyric 'when Michael Jackson's skin was black' has been replaced for the UK release - if anything the lyric would have marketed the track beyond one-off PA's at gay bars.

Next up is the trailor-trash junkie Mother ballad - it's probably about a Mother dying of cancer, but it is so dark that my mind goes slightly macabre as I have yet to properly pay attention to the lyrics. My Mama Said is their most mature effort yet, but when a Rene's burping vocal chips in there is no doubt which act is singing this.

Live Fast, Die Young is just as good as anything they have done, with Lene on particularly fine form. Yes, there is no galloping Dr Jones eurodance, but the material lives up to all the best solo tracks from Lene herself, and it is a quiet shame her legendary solo single It's Your Duty was not included on the tracklist.

Below: who wouldn't want roasted by Søren Rasted?

The CD unfortunately leaves off the stupendously gorgeous Good Morning Sunshine, a tempo ballad I have always likened to Gina G's plaintive classic It Doesn't Mean Goodbye, but whatever. Let's hope I get to go see these eurotrash superstars even though Lene's live vocals are notoriously atrocious, but whatever of course.