The Opiates - Hollywood Under The Knife

Above: Britney Spears may have turned down Reality TV, but Billie still managed to snatch her wig.

Billie Ray Martin is all set to release her long-awaited Opiates album called Hollywood Under The Knife.  To say it has been hard work for her to get to this stage would be an understatement, the project clearly means a lot to her and Diva Incarnate cannot wait to hear it all. Personally, I have stayed away from hearing snippets as I want this to be a fresh experience. The song Reality TV (Lonely, Lonely Girl) has been a huge favourite for a few years now, and was first touted to Britney of all people back in 2007! The song is definately pop, but Billie has a voice that cannot be covered and I would never be satisfied hearing anyone else sing her song first.  BRM also submitted a proper pop song to Dannii Minogue's older sister Kylie called Sattelite, so fingers crossed we get that on an eventual Billie Ray Martin solo album, which is promised.  The album Hollywood Under The Knife is out 17.10.11 preceded by an EP 19.09.11. These can be pre-ordered on iTunes now.

Britney Spears - I Wanna Go (New Video)

Britney, look vacant during the "shame on me" bits. Nailed it. Okay Britney, now dance... Emm, okay just have fun whilst looking awake. Nailed it!



What I will say is that her studded heals don't actually fit her, but overall great job from Wigney, her best since Toxic.

Oops ... I Can't Dance Again!

If her song Phonography was all about doing things 'hands free' (she eats from a dog bowl you know), then the dance version of her new single is all about dancing without the use of her legs - as if she wasn't showing off enough, here are some basic categories of interpretation of Britney's latest conquest against actual choreohraphy.

Check out her moves:
0:07 - corsetography
0:14 - Vogue-ography
0:22 - sidestepography
0:28 - assography
0:31 - hairography
0:32 - airbrushography
0:48 - fingerography
0:50 - jack-hammerography
1:25 - lineupofgaysography
1:50 - handcalpography
3: 49 - blotchyskinography

What's Britney been up to?

@guilera @nd Spe@rs @re @ it on twitter

Ever since evergreen beauty Madonna reached out and asked "Hey Britney, you say you wanna become a shadow of your former vacant self, look like a drugged-out hooker doing a walk of shame and bare your soul?" and giggled something about coming over here to show off her gym-ripped vagina, well Christina has been patiently waiting to pluck her pubes and pluck up the courage to make a similar statement that would send shockwaves around Mansion Aguilera if not the world. Literally days ago now, @TheRealXtina blurted out on twitter:

Hey @BritneySpears Congrats on Femme Fatale release! Can't wait to see what you bring in the next video. xo - Xtina

Word is Christina had to make 5 attempts typing her message, but Diva Incarnate has found the original message deemed too 'raw and organic' for twitter. Found on a used sanitary towel in Nicole Richie's trashcan, Aguilera's first attempt at reaching out to the dead-eyed How I Roll singer was less kind than the eventual passive-aggression she settled on:

Hey @BritneySpears - just fell off my thrown Lol-ing at ur attempts to not look like a gangraped tranny in headlights on GMA. Congrats! xo - Xtina

Not one to just sit there drooling onto her bib, at least not too long, Britney was soon spoonfed some calpul and groaned once to give the okay for her people to form a sentence and pretend it was written by the sometimes singer (who also had a song called Sometimes). Only a matter of 60 minutes later Aguilera finally got the global acclaim she had been after and got a responce:

Thanks @TheRealXtina. Can't wait to watch you on your new show. Hope we get to hear that voice on The Voice. -Brit

Kind of cruel to knock a flop singer, flop actress, flop mother, flop lesbian, flop wife and flop tweeter when she's down, but Diva Incarnate also learned of what Britney originally wanted to respond with. This time the words were written using red and yellow crayons, on the back of a prescription thrown out the window of her car as the singer was driven to KFC:

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!

The message was found by an unknown Lohan doing community service, but no alarms were raised as Tom Cruise has repeatedly told police that Katie Holmes pulls the same "prank" 2 or 3 times a week and is a "new game" that slightly out of it-looking LA celebrities like to play in order to stay down to earth and regular.

Britney Spears - Femme Fatale (2011)

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Oops ... Shakira Did It Again

If Britney is happy to look like a fit Courtney Love circa 1998, then great, but she really needs to start making an effort - there is not even much to parody beyond her now trademark arm-raise/face-smirk, which originally featured in the British cut of the Peice of Me video.

Shakira on the other thigh, recycles Madonna's sloppy-seconds with the male dancer Cloud (who I am now bored of after his shoulder-jigging on Miss Rowland's When Love Takes Over clip), with the best artistic choreography since Dannii Minogue collapsed at the end of Douche Me Like That. But why is she in the steam room with a bunch of Charlottes*?

*You know, the epidose titled The Attack of The 5 Foot 10 Woman where Char feels insecure about de-robing in the steam room because of her thighs.

Very Promising Start

Fiercely independent Britney is looking marv for the first time in ages. I mean properly grown up and on her way - I mean that in a non-patronising tone, to allude to the chances of Britters finally fulfilling her promise of becoming a pop queen and not just a flakey over-sexed media phenomenon. I actually like 3 for its melody, lazor-beam synths and the singer's auto-tuned and sensual vocals, which are effortlessly horizontal. The photograph above more than reminds me of one of the shots of Kate Bush for her Hounds of Love album. With her second singles collection due for release, will Ms. Spears ever create a truly spellbinding work of art (her own Hounds of Love, Like A Prayer, Girl or World Clique) or forever scatter her greatness through 2-3 great tracks per album?

Britney Has Room For 2 or 3 or 4 or More

I love Britney's new singe 3 - squeezing out 2 kids has obviously altered her vagina for the worse - 'a-a-a-are you in?' she yawns to her black music producer. Well in this case the producer is Max Martin, but you get the point. She wants her fill.

I hated it at first, but she just sounds like a sex-crazed zombie, ie, Blackout, which is still the greatest pop spectacle of the 21st century for better of worse.

Love Song To A Horse

Britney's new video, Radar (Love Song To A Horse), has made its debut on the internet, focusing attention on the blonde singer lusting after a horse and who are we to judge.. Best of all is her lyric 'think I can handle that animal in the hay stack' where a scrolling close-up from her binoculars pervs on Red Rum Jr.


Above: Britney in a rare smiling-and-walking song perfomance.

After 'trouser snake', and various black music producers, body guards and back-up dancers, Britney is now getting her formidable fill using horses! Now we know the real reason PETA accused Spears of mistreating the elephant from the Circus video.

Shave you hair, lose your kids, flash your gash: it's only now that I am in awe and not in a good way.