Ultimate Pop Star Countdown: 25-21

 21. Vitamin C - Sex Has Come Between Us / Last Night

10 years too old.  Poor Colleen, she made the best pop princess album of the naughties, but looked like Britney’s babysitter. The slightly morbid lust of Sex Has Come Between Us is slithery and agile enough to rival Holly Vallance’s State of Mind and B's In The Zone alike, and pre-dating them by nearly two years. The More album is an outstanding pop document. Last Night is of course the well scratched cover of The Strokes breakthrough hit put in the disco spin cycle with Blondie's Heart of Glass instrumental: utterly cheapskate but creates a high price tag for itself.

22. Alanis Morissette - Front Row / Thank U

Like having a million dictionaries thrown at you and being completely transfixed – like being in the chaos of someones dream. Thank U's unforgettable dangling carrots and Glenn Ballard's production that was on the same scale as Massive Attack in moments like both of these songs.  Other album highlights: Baba, Are You Still Mad, Unsent, Joining You, I Was Hoping and The Couch.

23. Garbage - I Think I'm Paranoid

Pugnacious robo s&mer Shirley has 'issues'; confrontational and angrily beautiful. Manson’s irrational desire reaches breaking point, the fury of the chorus is channelled into one of their biggest and best choruses (the glam-grunge sneer-fest Only Happy When It Rains probably should have been my choice, but this song is just cooler).  Her heartbreak sounds like an anorexic staring at someone eating pizza: completely miserable and just waiting to pounce.

24. Liz Phair - Polyester Bride

Polishes herself off to play Sheryl Crow at her own game and music wins. “You’re lucky to even know me, you're lucky to be alive.” Whitechocolatespaceegg will also see you around if you’re clever enough to be alive and buy it.  Go on ahead now.

25. Luscious Jackson - Naked Eye

Hypnotically aloof and ice-cold, Jill’s calculating rap decides “wearing nothing is divine”, the sleek vocals compete against murkier sounds, all working together separately but in unison.  The chorus is built from three lanes: the main vocal and two shades of backing vocals that wrap together like ribbons. Quite the package. Like this then try: Under Your Skin, City Song, Lady Fingers and Nervous Breakthrough.

Vitamin C: That Was Then, This Is Now

I do wish Vitamin C would hurry up and make a hot-mess comeback album. I'm currently listening to her outtake Funnier Than Love and, although she was a bit old for it even at the time, she encapsulates commercial pop circa 1999 and also managed to make what pop would sound like in 2003 when it was only 2001! Not many people can do that. Unfortunately, her very aptly titled sophomore album More failed to shift enough copies and her label Elektra pulled the plug on the project. The slithery The Itch dipped at #45 in the States and #6 in Australia (get that smash, girl!). Instead of the is-what-it-is ballad As Long As You're Loving Me, I'd have considered instead: the sleek cock-regret of Sex has Come Between Us; the Missy Elliot tribute song Dangerous Grill (otherwise known as Dangerous Girl, which was a tribute to Rachel Steven's Sweet Dreams My LA Ex even before that song was actually written - 'so hardcore, I'd dial for more' bites off more than others can chew), the faithful Waitresses' cover I Know What Boys Like, the floaty She Talks About Love, the pre-Avril teenage period pains of That Was Then, This Is Now (the incredulous middle-eight is even better than the gorgeously whingey chorus), or the one that sounds a bit like a listenable Girls Aloud single that never was (the ball-busting Bloodshy & Avant produced Busted). Elsewhere, Where's The Party obviously re-calls the Madonna of the same name: it sounds nothing like it, but grinding guitars and the ridiculously kiddish sentiment are pretty irresistible. Special is a stunner: Sara Jorge would have killed to have sung this; and is my 8th example of a better song than As Long As You're Loving Me. I may have started off talking about Funnier Than Love, so let me finish myself off by returning to this little-known trigger of romantic amusement. I just love it when she purrs "answer your phone please" and, yep, there's phone noises to make her point clear. We have been hearing comeback rumours for years: she released a UK single Last Night under the V2 label, songs such as the energetic and slightly boisterous Learning To Love The Enemy and wistful contemplation of Smash It Up leaked via an unofficial myspace page, and Funnier Than Love is also thought to have came from these sessions. Unfortunately, the person who uploaded it refuses to share, which is just typical of these individuals: that's like me waving a packet of Quavers in front of a homeless person; some people have no heart...

Vitamin C - Vitamin C

Colleen Fitzpatrick's first claim for solo stardum under the alias of Vitamin C was slightly thirsty for tunes, yet her playfully in control persona achieved a #29 peaking album in America.

The electric voltage of Smile is the beginning of her mutton-as-lamb role playing - sure it's not embarassing but this is the foundation of what a pop song should sound like and slightly unusual for a pushing-30 year old to be at this point. The fluttery verses are a dream, the chorus spiked with traces of Hella Good and she even ropes in Lady Saw before Gweny-Gwen pinched her for No Doubt's Underneathe It All. Her sexpot act is bubbling under, delivering a surprising genre hybrid pop song that was one of 1999's very best if not biggest. It did blush it's way into the Billboard Hot 100 at number 18.

The solidly teenage Me Myself & I was lucky enough to feature in the marketing of hit 90s TV series Sex & The City (unlike Amber, at last she didn't desperately chase after for more). Unlike the Britney's, VC had the advantage of her sophistication. She just wants you to know she is risky too, and at least you might actually believe her.

The Max Martin meets Alanis part spoken word part stadium crusade Turn Me On dwarfs both these hits. Relegated to album track it is the secret winner of the lot. The cold chills and frustrated atmosphere of the verses are thrown off the cliff into the nosedive chorus. Unlike Jagged Little Pill era Alanis, this singer conveys anxiety as opposed to enacting rage. The lyrics could not be any simpler yet you still hang on to every word.

The sombre/explosive formula is repeated with soaring flair on her charismatic cover of Crowded House's I Got You, the 2nd avoided single opportunity: house beats bounce with air-tight rapidity and the middle-8 is a skyward instrumental. The wilting country-tinged Unhappy Anniversary is the then-29 year old more naked than her crop top videos on MTV. Her doubts even sound real.

Elsewhere songs such as the grungey sulk of Not That Kind of Girl and the standard pop parade pounce of Do What You Want To Do (complete with ultra sleek disco strings) are clinched by Colleen's not-so-innocent belief in her innocent mission.

Sex sells and sex happens. About Last Night is without conquest or surrender. In the words of Hear'Say and Cleopatra, loving is easy and VC is so clued up that she isn't even worried about being pregnant.

Tough cookie Fear of Flying oozes an appealing sense of sleaze. Passing wind, Boys & Girls (I'm sure she has her sister's backs first). Like any pop princess on the up, as on Money, it all boils down to world domination: 'those with the dollar are those with the power' is her sarcastic indictment of capitalism and thank you fo asking.

The words are sentimental wishful-thinking, but Graduation (Friends Forever) is the opposite of how I feel about my own graduation where I don't actually want to be friends forever with any of them, and luckily got my wish. Still, this is her prefab Never Ever style 'mega hit'. It sticks to you like a sanitary towel, but it's up to you whether or not you want to use it.

Vitamin C gives her full dosage of pop nutrition on Japanese bonus track The Only One, which was the subject of one of Diva Incarnate's first posts. One of my favourites, it's simplicity never wears off - think Holly V's Whoop or a less polished It's Your Duty by Lene Nystrom.

Even if her sophomore More album would be her masterpeiece, Vitamin C the album remains her pop skyrocket. She can sing in the same shower as Debbie Harry, but her summer spritzers Smile, Me Myself & I and About Last Night brush their booty alongside the sentimental country girl-pop of Graduation and Unhappy Anniversary, the dead-eyed disco anxiety of Turn Me On and I Got You, and the get-the-look star of the moment is able carry the load of get-the-hook fillers such as Do What You Got To Do and Not That Kind of Girl and still make them sound like she were a genuine 19 year old. Only Boys & Girls has no sense of adventure.

Vitamin C - I Know What Boys Like

One of my first ever (shit) posts on this blog was reviewing Vitamin C's seminal More album (think of a typsy Rachel Stevens' Sweet Dreams My LA Ex and sluttier Britney's Toxic). Planned as a third singlie, her cover of I Know What Boys Like was perhaps too kiddish for a nudging 30 year old to be messing around with, but I never tire of this live performance in front of under 5s where Colleen touches her boobs repeatedly in a not at all inappropriate fashion:

Heidi Montag should cover this - and guess what album I've still to get around to reviewing...