Monday, 22 February 2010

Mary Kiani's 100% Devotion, Ya Know?

Just as I will instruct anyone who wants their quick fix of Mary Kiani (flip n) fill (when she last begged Flip N' Fill to produce a comeback single for her they told her to flip burgers instead, but poor Kiani was confused and offered her gammon steak slices) - anyway, grip onto your handcuffed ankles and get ready for your life to change forever, Mary's unstable classics with a k are Hi-NRG avalanches of eclipsing hormonal trauma that will humiliate you, invade your dreams and leave you feeling like a shameless stereotype whether you get to the chorus or not.

When her mental health issues flare up so vividly as on the contrived pledge for sexual effort 100%, gays know only too well but to cluster together, take off their tops and prepare to wait for the 1990s to be over all over again. 'You just gotta let me in' pleads Mary-K, but Glaswegians have been warned and many don't even have homes just so she can't break in and ruin their lives with a 15 year old album that she'll tell you is 'pure dead brilliant' until you are in fact dead or lucky enough just to pretend to be.

The whimpering When I Call Your Name remains the ferocious diva's biggest top 20 hit to date as well as her only one - Kiani still gets a thrill using her TTF royalties to pay taxi drivers to circle around Georges Square as she screams out the window of a vehicle driving 15 mph between traffic lights 'can you hear me now?'


Above: close your eyes and get ready to piss yourself, Mary's interviewer asks her questions whilst flicking through Heat magazine, whilst the poor singer is reduced to begging 'any producers out there' to go to her website and even gives out her phone number live on air (as in hospital radio presumably, Mary's biggest audience). I love when she reminices about 'just workin really'.

Her Motiv8 remixes provide the only respite: I Imagine's fertile dissillusionment is whisked into a gear-shifting dance classic Gina G would give up her career for; the epic pounding of When I Call Your Name will leave you feeling more used than a whore in Iraq (the only reason it lasts over 6 minutes is to give gays enough time to break out of her high rise and escape); and the frighteningly unhinged 100% remains one of the most uplifting Steve Roadway ejaculations ever.

Don't get me wrong, Diva Incarnate loves this diva - here is a vintage post celebrating her insanity to prove it here.

2 comments:

Mike said...

Mary is AMAZING!!! Stop the hateration. She now has a gig as a jazz singer in Sydney. I'm told it's almost a full house every other week!

undisco_me said...

I love her too - I can't believe that doesn't shine through. Her Motiv8 remixes are an utter joy: the only album track I like is the hilarious We Can Be One; and then there's Dreams.

It's not my fault she's crazy...